blog No 10, 29th June 25.

Windsor to Maidenhead.

This account is not going to make jolly reading, but it is an account of the walk and my thoughts along the way.

This walk was on the last Sunday in June when the sky changed and heavy thunderstorms circled the area. My friend Jen drove me to Windsor through flash floods to reach my starting point to walk to Maidenhead. I thought I was going to be in for a soaking but the clouds cleared to let the sun through,  although rain threatened it stayed dry for the whole of the walk. 

I walked over Windsor Bridge and began the path through a meadows which stretched a good mile or so.

Picture which I thought was the bridge but is probably Eton High St.  

All was fine until I reached a section of the Path where the trees on either side of the path met and intertwined with thick undergrowth on both sides making a view of the river quite difficult. The effect was that I was walking through a dark tunnel. This I think affected my mood. I am normally quite good at positive thinking and not dwelling on painful memories, but I think walking for some miles through this dark tunnel took my mind to the difficulties and sadness of the months before Elizabeth's passing. My mind played over the events leading to the end of Elizabeth's life.  May '23 Elizabeth received her diagnosis of Bulbar MND having experienced difficulties in swallowing and talking for some months before. Her daughter Eve, my granddaughter was a student at New College New York studying for her Master's degree. Elizabeth was adamant that Eve should not be made aware of her condition or prognosis but intended to tell her face to face when she returned home in September. I remember this awful period between May to September with Elizabeth becoming progressively ill, unable to talk or to swallow, her physical deterioration was rapid. Together with Elizabeth's friends we formed a circle of support but we were all very very worried knowing what Eve would be facing upon her return. She was already dealing with the death of her father from bowel cancer less than two years before. My mind then wandered to the worst time of Eve returning and realising that she would lose Elizabeth as well. These months from September to the end in May 24 were terrible for us all. Elizabeth had so much she wanted to complete in her life, she wanted to finish her book, write a comedy script,  enjoy all the things that a woman of her age should be able to do. Eve had the awful job of living day by day with Elizabeth unable to deal with the reality all to clearly to be seen. To the very end Elizabeth fought her condition and was going to win through, failure was not a possibility. 

Less than a month before Elizabeth's death Adrian her brother, my son came from the States and we had a week together. Elizabeth was able to walk with Adrian to the church just up the road from the house, and in the evenings Adrian and Elizabeth would stand in the garden in the twilight stargazing, Elizabeth liked to be barefoot and feel the grass beneath her feet. When she came back into the house I would wash her feet and massage them with cream. Jen used a scalp massage to comb through her hair which she loved,  showing her appreciation to Jen with a 'thumbs up'.  It was calm time which was important to us and one I remember as being some of the final caring things I could do for Elizabeth. Two weeks later she was no longer with us. Elizabeth did manage to complete her book which is currently being prepared for publication.

Looking back on this awful time, I realise that both Eve and I had to deal with this as best we could in our different ways. Elizabeth was able to vent some of her frustration onto me which I understood and knew was necessary. Why should I at my age be healthy when my lovely daughter was staring death in the face? 

Over the months following Elizabeth's death, Eve and I are now developing a relationship which may have supported us earlier had this been possible. These dark days are over, but we are left with sadness and for me a futile railing at the cruelty of what happened to my lovely daughter. Eve I know has dark moments of loss but she is learning to live a different life. New beginnings and a creative future.

On parts of the walk where the trees cleared and it was possible to see the clouds still issuing threats on the water and the lovely houses on the other side.

 I cynically thought that I did not think Thames Water would dare to discharge untreated sewerage along the billionaires row of properties with their smart boats moored at the end of their gardens. But this was the end of my sad thoughts and memories.

By this time I reached a bridge over the water which said 3 miles to Maidenhead, so I just kept going. It was then an open path with houses on my side of the path and lots of river activity with boaters enjoying the evening sun and freshness of the air after the storms of the afternoon. 

I reached the end of the path at the A4 in Maidenhead and to my relief saw the road I needed to take me to the car park and pub where my friend Jen was waiting for me. The walk overall was about 7 and a quarter miles. 

I am afraid walking and taking pictures is not exactly my strength, but just managed the above.

Next walk is Maidenhead to Marlow undertaken on 8th July Maidenhead to Marlow. Blog No 11.

Many thanks to the anonymous donors to Elizabeth's just giving page, we have now reached over £4000. I am enormously grateful to you all.